Ecclesiastes 3:1 “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens”
I had a beautiful bouncing baby last year. She is the cutest, most sweet natured creature on this planet (very much unlike her sassy momma)!
There is nothing more joyful than the time nearing having a baby and its arrival. This was my second, and I remember thinking life was perfect when my first came. Work was great, we were ready and things were so exciting.
About two weeks before she came, I got a call. She was fine, so trust me, I understand this is not a life or death issue before reading on. No comments about how I have first world problems, because I totally do! The call was from my biz partner. We had a great few years, but this call was to let me know we were facing a precipice if things didn’t start to look up- that we were nearing the edge of a cliff. Everything we had stock piled and stashed aside for growth and development was being drained out for operations and survival mode.
This, friends, is a big deal, because $$$ is where my anxiety lives. I had the rug pulled out from me in my teen years by a divorce and now, any time there is a financial risk, I assumer the worst and the fetal position at the same time. I am that girl who could base jump off a freaking cliff but ask me to look at the big picture of how much is coming and going, and I’d sooner base jump off that cliff without the parachute.
All of the sudden, all I could see was not the joy ahead, but the struggle, the unrelenting fear of a future. Satan turned up the heat, too. I was distraught, crying all the time (on top of the baby hormones). Then I was angry. Why was this special time being taken from me- ruined by the emotional and financial hardship?! How could God allow this?
I wanted out and away fast, but God used everyone around me, including my husband to tell me that I wasn’t called to leave. Every time I wanted to give up, I would see a verse or here the wisdom from someone else’s lips that I was made for more.
Philippians 3:13-14 “One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
The truth is, I kept wanting to believe God wanted me to quit, to walk away, but He wanted me healed. He allowed things to burn, so that I could feel the fire and realize it wasn’t as hot as I thought, and that I would survive that most fearful and anxious place and be freed of it. We’re still recovering, but we are moving forward. God is showing me day by day to fight harder for bigger and better opportunities to work and serve Him, and I have never had so many ministry opportunities (what I always wanted) since I’ve walked through it.
The most beautiful part of this is, however, that He is freeing me through every trial. I never understood the full scope of His work until I have walked this journey. I still don’t complete understand and my faith still falters, but He told me very clearly He would deliver me, though every step would be a miracle to ensure He received the glory. He is delivering on every count.
My daughter is getting the mommy she wouldn’t have had without this either. Many years ago, a part of my joy was stolen. He is restoring me through this, and ensure my sweet baby girl doesn’t have to live with her momma’s fears on her delicate shoulders. She will stand tall and fearless and captivating in truth that she is a beautiful child of God.
If you’re feeling cheated or broken or anxious. pray that God will sooner reveal His plan for you and what He is teaching you or others through you right now. The most wonderful things are created through the hardest processes.